Update November 18, 2007: I withdrew this post a few weeks ago, after receiving an email from CafePress notifying me that they had received a cease and desist notice from NBC/Universal’s lawyers regarding the huge number of CafePress shops that were selling products that infringed upon NBC’s intellectual property rights to every word uttered in an episode of The Office — or for that matter, every thought that has ever passed through the minds of the show’s writers. Or something like that. At any rate, CafePress had already summarily removed all “Schrute Farms Beets” items from my store. I don’t blame them; it’s just lame that NBC is taking this approach. Of course, that’s partly because NBC is selling their own Schrute Farms Beets shirts, which naturally are more accurate to the one Dwight wore in the episode. (Mine wasn’t quite homemade-looking enough.) So if you’re looking for a Schrute Farms Beets shirt, by all means buy the official product. But if, on the other hand, you are interested in one of my other stupid original designs (the sliver of hope of which is what inspired me to reinstate this post), read on. Read more »

Product placement is as old as TV itself, and if anything it’s less insidious now than it was in the early days of television. But it seems to be coming back in a big way, and while I’m over my initial offense at seeing my favorite shows turn into “advertainment,” I still find it incredibly distracting, even when it’s funny.

Case in point, in last night’s episode of The Office, Kevin got some rare screen time and proceeded to giddily demonstrate the awesome power of the company’s shredder. Note I called it a “shredder,” not a “paper shredder,” because as Kevin demonstrated, it can shred not only a fistful of paper at once, but also such surprising objects as CDs and (OK, this joke was a little too broad) credit cards.

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5. “Get a life!”

In the early ’90s, William Shatner hosted Saturday Night Live, and proved that he can laugh at himself. And at his tricorder-carrying, Spock-ear-wearing fans.

4. Kirk becomes a horse

So far I have been unable to track down the episode number and title of this particular Star Trek, but in it, Kirk and company beam down to a planet where they are put under mind control. (I know, really narrows it down, huh? According to the brief descriptions in this episode guide, there are at least four episodes that might fit the bill.) Among other things, Kirk is made to act like a horse. This episode tells us why William Shatner was not hired for the voice of Mr. Ed.

3. The Transformed Man album

This landmark concept album is a tribute to the hazy, drug-induced madness of the late ’60s. On its several tracks, Shatner pairs contrasting themes from literary works and modern pop songs. The entirety of the album seems to have been recorded during an LSD binge, and Shatner’s questionable interpretation of his material is best summed-up in the liner notes’ description of his reading of “Mr. Tambourine Man”: “total psychotic subservience.” But more on that below…

2. “MR. TAMBOURINE MAAAAAAAAN!!!!”

This is the transcendent moment, worthy of being singled-out amongst all of the incomparable strangeness on the rest of the album — the force by which the “man” is “transformed.” And so are listeners when they hear this for the first time. It is the mad bellow of a desperate man. It was also a good warm up for Shatner’s silver-screen reprisal of the Kirk role 14 years later, in the second Star Trek movie. (Again, more on that below…)

Fortunately, as we’ve learned, Shatner can laugh at himself, and at this moment in particular. Such was the case a few years back, when he performed a parody of the climactic scene from Seven on the MTV Movie Awards. In it, Shatner plays all of the parts as characters from his past: Captain Kirk as the Brad Pitt character, T.J. Hooker as the Morgan Freeman character, and, as Gwyneth Paltrow’s head in the box… a Shatner head, that screams… well, you can probably guess what.

1. “KHAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!”

In Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Kirk confronts his old nemesis, Khan, via communicator from deep below the surface of a dead planet. This is the moment when all hell breaks loose in the movie. It starts quietly, not unlike the moment in an old western when the hero and villain are about to duel. You can almost hear the wind blowing tumbleweeds across a dusty road. And then… the most overacted scene in film history, ending in this ultimate cathartic wail.

There was also an excellent parody of this moment in an episode of Seinfeld, when a hungry George, stuck at a car dealership while Jerry tries to get his paperwork signed, discovers someone has stolen the Twix bar he just purchased from the vending machine.